Finding Happiness

Today I woke up feeling like a new person. It is as if a switch just flipped inside my brain. For over a year now I have gone through a rough patch, feeling lonely and sad all the time. It all started when I was bullied last year by my classmates. Even after I switched schools, I still was very upset. Even at my new school, my classmates gave me a rough time. My mother would say that it must be because they are jealous of me and who I am, but it’s hard to believe that when people were constantly trying to bring me down. I know that there are people who have it worse that I did, yet, as I had once read, telling someone they can’t be sad because others have it worse is just like telling someone that they can’t be happy because others have it better. I think that it is hard to tell someone how to feel unless they walk in their shoes. People in my art class even said that being sad and depressed is “stupid”. I think it is stupid to judge someone that way. Try walking in their shoes. Try walking in mine.

Since my sophomore year of high school I have been faking a smile. My friends don’t even know what I truly went through. I have told some of them about my bullying experience, but I have never told any of them that I have been pretending to be happy. I act loud and bubbly in school on purpose so people won’t notice that I am sad. I hate having to share my drama with people and I don’t want them to pity me. I found it easier for people to see me as a ditzy, crazy, maybe even obnoxious loud girl than a girl who hasn’t been happy with her life.

But today, I woke up feeling like a new person. I looked at myself in the mirror and was happy with what I saw. I didn’t even feel this way yesterday. I never viewed myself as pretty. But now I am proud to say that I know I am not the most beautiful girl, but I am healthy and perfectly content with my imperfections. I feel like all the negativity that was with me for months and months has finally left. I do not know why today of all days this happened, but I glad I am.

Today, I can smile for real now. I truly feel happy with myself and with my life. No, I have not accomplished all of my dreams of being accepted to my dream school and working in the fashion industry and so forth, but that’s ok, because I feel like I can finally breathe again. I do not feel the need to fake being happy and bubbly while talking to or texting my friends because I actually am happy. No longer will I care what people think of me because no matter how hard I try, I will never change their minds. People are always going to hate and find something to make fun of. It is important not to let them get to you. From now on I won’t try to impress people. I will not walk down the school hallways being extra ditzy and loud so people won’t see how sad I am because I have nothing to hide now. Yesterday, I would have thought differently. Yesterday, I would have still hated my reflection in my mirror. But today, I am happy to say that I love myself and I love my life.

So I know that some of you are wondering why I am posting this. I feel that my story can help others who have been going through something similar. I just hope that you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Trust me, it gets better.

xoxo, B

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